Back to School Success
Whether your child is starting at a new daycare or heading off to their last year of elementary school, going back to school (or beginning school) feels BIG! Watching your kid leave your care and entrusting other adults with the task of teaching them can feel daunting for parents, not to mention the slew of emotions our kids feel about the transition.
As a former kindergarten teacher and school leader, I have watched hundreds of kids make the transition to school over the years. In fact, a lot of those kids are now making their transition to college! I can assure you that your child struggling on the first day is no indication of how they will be on the last day. Some of the kids who cried the most the first couple of days ended up loving school the most by a few months in! We can’t take all the nerves away. but we can prepare our little ones and ourselves for the transition with a few key steps.
Step 1: Practice the drop-off routine. Get your kid’s stuffed animals, take turns pretending to be the parent and the kid, and act out the drop-off. Show them what you will do when they are at school. You can wonder aloud about how they are doing, think aloud about how you’ll miss them but know that they are so capable of doing great. Practicing things beforehand helps calm the part of our brain that feels anxious about unknowns. A key thing that can seem small but really matters - BE ON TIME FOR PICK-UP. If your little one is nervous about drop-off, then pick-up is going to matter just as much because it reminds them that you are always going to pick them up and that is a part of the routine too. If you are late, it can feel unpredictable and scary and lead to more stress at drop-off.
Step 2: Slowly work through any information you can gather about the school day and teacher beforehand. This can include, class schedule (do they take a nap?), lunchtime process, and dismissal. You can wonder aloud about these things, or practice them at home to normalize them. Say their teacher’s name often in conversation and show them a picture of the person if possible. The more familiar the teacher is, the less stressful the hand-off to this new person will be.
Step 3: Normalize the feelings. It’s okay for your child to feel nervous/anxious/ sad/etc. about school. Sometimes we feel like we have to make these feelings go away by talking them out of it, but if we validate the feeling, our kids feel seen. This can sound like, “You’re feeling a little nervous about starting next week. It makes sense to be nervous about something new. What are some things you feel nervous about and what are you feeling excited about?”
Step 4: Be confident in them. You don’t have to be their hype-person, this can backfire, but show that you are confident in them. Have a calm presence about the upcoming school drop-off. If they are struggling, remember they are looking to you to be a pillar of calm. Take a deep breath, tell them you believe in them, give them a hug, and leave. If you linger or you prolong the goodbye, you are going to make it harder for your kid in the long run. If they see you struggling, they are going to think they should be struggling more too.
Step 5: Wake up a little earlier than normal for the first week or so. It can help set the tone for the day when you have an earlier start and feel prepared, and in turn, send a message of calm, cool, and collected to your child. Give them plenty of time to get ready so that you aren’t heading to school in a frenzy when they are already nervous.
Remember that your consistency will make all the difference. Don’t worry if they are struggling in the first couple of days, the biggest help will be seeing that you believe in them and that the routine is predictable. Best of luck with the start of school and feel free to share your tops back to school tips in the comments!