Mom Takes a Vacation
Earlier this month, my husband and I got to go to Hawaii to celebrate our 10-year anniversary. My in-laws stayed with our two boys (1.5 & 3.5), as we set off on our first extended trip away from them for 5 nights. Leaving your kids can be incredibly daunting - how will they do with other caretakers? Will their routine be followed? What if there’s an emergency? What if they don’t go to bed? What if they have such a hard time that they never want us to leave again? What if my in-laws have such a hard time that they never want to help us again?! Below are some tips for setting everyone up for success while you are away.
Prep a schedule with ideas of what to feed your kids, what to do for activities, and a clear picture of your routines around going to school, meals, and bedtime. The closer the caretaker can stay to the routine, the easier the separation will be for your kids. Kids thrive on routine, and it can be comforting to feel like most things are staying the same while you’re away.
Let go once you are gone. You have given control to whoever is taking over for you. If you want them to be in charge, you have to LET them be in charge by not managing them when you are away. This will also help you be able to enjoy your trip and not worry the whole time about what is going on at home. Did they let your kid watch extra TV? Did they feed them chicken nuggets 4 days in a row? Did they let them skip their nap? None of this is irrevocable damage, so let it go and you can reset when you get home.
Leave a chain or some kind of visual for your kids to show them how long you’ll be gone. I like to write simple notes with questions or prompts of things to do for each day I’m gone. The task takes less than 10 minutes to create, but a paper chain they get to take apart for each day you are away can help give them a visual for the amount of time you’ll be gone and something to look forward to from you each day.
Prep your kids for your departure. The more things are known about your time away, the less anxious your kid is going to be while you’re gone. Talk about your time away leading it up to it, remind them of who will be staying with them and ask them about what they are excited to do with that person. There are Daniel Tiger episodes about parents leaving for work trips with the message, “Grown Ups Come Back,” and a great song to go along with it. You can watch the episode together and remind them that you will be back in (insert number of days) to hug them.
FaceTime when you’re away and then check-in with their caretaker to see how your child did after the call. FaceTime can be really helpful for some kids and overly confusing for others. If it was upsetting to have you on the phone and then watch you disappear, maybe try it one other time and if it continues to be upsetting, don’t continue to FaceTime. We found that our 1.5-year-old did better with FaceTime if he got to be the one to hang up at the end. This reminds them that you are still there, you are thinking of them, and that you will indeed be back.
Taking time away is such a healthy thing for you, your relationship with your partner, and for your kids to see and experience. Even though it can feel like a lot of work to prep, having some time to recharge and invest in the parts of your life that may have been dormant for a while will leave you with more capacity to parent when you’re back at home. Book the trip!