What Does Mom Joy Look Like at Christmas?
I’ve been having a lot of conversations with moms lately about how they experience the Christmas season. On one hand, it is magical to get to see your kids get to experience Christmas, and on the other hand, moms are often responsible for creating, managing, and coordinating said magic on top of all the other parts of life that don’t exactly slow down during the holiday season (As I type this, I have a kid home sick and we had a 2-hour snow delay this morning, so, I’m not exactly a model of serene December management). It can feel as if to have magic around the season, we have to sacrifice our sanity in the process. So it has me asking, what does “Mom joy” look like at Christmas? Can we have magic while still managing to hold onto our joy/sanity?
I had a gut check for myself last weekend when I dragged my family to our town center to watch the annual Christmas tree lighting. It was cold and crowded, and there was no room at the inn restaurant for us to have dinner. I was snapping at my husband every time he tried to offer solutions and instead tried to get us all to decide on what we would order when we finally got a table so that we could scarf down our food, pay, and make it to the tree lighting on time. When we finally got a table, we were definitely going to miss the tree lighting and no one was in a good mood because of my energy. I realized how ridiculous I was being, apologized to everyone, and decided that enjoying my pizza with my family was more important than the ten-second countdown to the tree lighting up. We had a lovely dinner, went to see the tree all beautiful and dressed up, the boys could have cared less, and then we went home.
Two days later, our Christmas activity for the day was to hide an ornament on the tree and have the other family members search for it. My son’s enthusiasm for this activity was through the roof! He talked about it all day and kept asking to play. I also had way more fun playing Hide the Ornament than I did during my Christmas Tree lighting tantrum. So what would I prefer my son to remember from this Christmas? a.) Mom rushing him through the streets to see a tree so we can take a forced family photo or b.) family time at home having fun with a simple game?
It can be easy to get wrapped up (get it?) in all of the “shoulds” of the holidays. We “should” send a Christmas card, see Santa, attend every event, host every gathering, volunteer at every opportunity, etc. My question for all of us is where are the “shoulds” coming from and are there any we can let go of?
Here are a couple of things that I am thinking through for this season, and I share with you too in case they are helpful:
Your family can have joy around the holidays but you deserve to have joy too, so what does that look like for you? What are the things that give you joy to say yes to, and which ones can you say no to this year? We all know it is way more fun for the rest of the family if Mom is also having fun, so you might as well choose activities that you have the bandwidth for.
Ask for help. Sometimes I forget that I am keeping everything we have going on in my mind and instead of asking my partner for help or including him in on all that I’m thinking about, I spiral and snap at him for not knowing what I’m managing. Have a sit-down conversation with your spouse where you can decide together what needs to be on the family agenda, what things he can take over, and what you want to invest in. Share the load! Our partners are often eager to help but if we hold all the cards, it’s hard for them to step in.
Remember that the magic is truly in the little things. Our kids want time with us more than anything. Yes, they might enjoy an outing, but if it doesn’t happen, it’s not going to ruin Christmas. Take some pressure off and think about where you might be going big when you should just go home.
It can be easy to get caught up in all of the “shoulds” of Christmas, but with a little reflection and time to think, we might be able to pair down things to a point that allows all the moms out there to have joy while they are also making magic for everyone else.